Whoa, got
your attention there huh? Don’t worry,
it’s okay, you can read this. It’s
educational and socially relevant. But
it is about boobs, so you can enjoy it a little if you want. Sure, discuss it with your parents too.
But I do
really want to talk about boobs because I had a revelation the other morning at
church. Yes church. It was about idolatry.
Due to the
backwards morality of Victorian Era ideals, women’s bodies have been a bit
fetishized, breasts especially. For some
odd reason, they are accorded nearly the same hush hush treatment as the
genitals even though they serve no purpose in reproduction other than as bait, which
they wouldn’t be so much if they weren’t required to be hidden at all times in
public. You make something illegal or
forbidden and it gains a measure of attractiveness to a certain portion of the
population which at times can be quite large.
Drugs are an example.
Why do good
girls like bad boys? Because they’re not
supposed to.
But boobs
are a bit of another story, because it’s not just any boobs that are seen as
attractive and desireable. Boobs have a built
in aging mechanism (exacerbated by bras, but we’ll talk about that later.) They don’t stay how society wants them. Society wants them large and round and perky. But even if you get those nice large and
round and perky boobs on the front end (of life, why so many jokes possible?),
you’re damn sure not going to have the same a little later on when they’ve been
used for what they were intended.
It’s young
boobs, there, I said it. We want young
boobs.
We idolize
youth. Our fascination with perky boobs
reveals that. And when they’re not perky
anymore, cut ‘em up and stitch them back together (if you had the material to
work with) so they’re perky again.
Never mind that without clothes they’ll never ever again look like they’re
real, you can’t hide scar tissue on a boob.
It’s already stretched skin to begin with.
Maybe they’re
not big enough, or maybe they’ve deflated like a morning after party balloon. Get implants!
Don’t forget to be careful lest you pop one, or in the case of the past,
watch out for poisonous fillers. Oh,
also, even if you had perfectly nice boobs to begin with, you can never go
back. And you’ll probably have to get
new ones every decade or so. I’m sure
you’ll be popular at the old folks’ home.
HID chrome headlights on a model T.
Smile grandma!
Why is there
no honor in aging? You can’t be younger
than 35 to be president, but who wants to look at a 35 year old pair of tits? And they have to be covered up and padded so
that God forbid a nipple would show through?
I find it hard to believe that God created something so prominent and
yet it is required to be covered so that you can’t tell it’s there.
God didn’t
require it to be covered, you did. And
the counter intuitive thing is that bras only have an effect when they’re
on. They don’t keep your boobs from
sagging, in fact, they actually cause the ligaments that support your breasts
to atrophy, the same way wearing shoes causes the muscles and important bits in
your feet to atrophy. You were built not
too need either.
Stop
idolizing the young. We’re already to
the point where the ideal female form is unattainable through natural
genetics. Any female gets even close and
her boobs will be too saggy to be acceptable.
We are too soon old and too late smart.
Enjoy your body, ugly as it may be.
You’re great how you are.
My daughter is going to have to grow up in this world and I'd like her not to suffer through image issues and eating disorders like her mother did. So knock it off.
